The Constitution of Feasterbush
We the Men of Feasterbush, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Camaraderie, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common Defence of the Pig-Roast, promote the general Welfare of the Fine Ale, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the Event of Feasterbush.
Article I: Membership and Comportment
Section 1. All legislative Powers herein granted shall be vested in the Brotherhood of Feasterbush. Membership shall be reserved exclusively to Men.
Section 2. No person shall be admitted to the festivities who presents in a state of Shabbiness. A high standard of grooming and attire, befitting a gentleman of the bush, shall be maintained at all times.
Section 3. The Right of the People to keep and bear Firearms shall not be infringed. All arms shall be handled with the sobriety and respect commanded by the gravity of the tool.
Article II: Provisioning and Sustenance
Section 1. The consumption of fermented grain shall be restricted. Only the Finest Ales—properly brewed and of distinct character—shall be permitted. Weak or inferior brews are hereby prohibited as an affront to the palate.
Section 2. The culinary focus of the event shall be singular. Inhabitants of Feasterbush shall consume only Pig Products. From the snout to the tail, the hog shall be the sole source of sustenance, honoring the animal through thorough consumption.
Article III: Athletics and Etiquette
Section 1. The game of Soccer shall be the official sport of Feasterbush. It shall be played with vigor, yet always in a Gentlemanly Fashion. Aggression shall be tempered by grace; competition shall be governed by honor.
Section 2. The formal greeting of the realm shall be the Firm Handshake. Let no man offer a limp grip; a hand extended shall be met with strength, signifying a bond of mutual respect and integrity.
Article IV: Allegiance and Devotion
Section 1. Full faith and credit shall be given to the Flag. It shall be displayed with honor and never permitted to touch the ground or suffer disrespect.
Section 2. Every man shall maintain in his heart a Triad of Devotion: Love for Feasterbush, Love for God, and Love for Country. These three pillars shall form the foundation of the event’s spirit.
Article V: Ratification
The Ratification of the Conventions of the Men of Feasterbush shall be sufficient for the Establishment of this Constitution. No man shall enter who does not subscribe to these sacred tenets.
Done in Convention by the Unanimous Consent of the Gentlemen present.